Wednesday, August 29, 2007

the fill.

i'm looking for fuel. i've been starving. these late night dinners with myself, with my desires always leave me waking up more confused than ever the morning.

one beer.

is it even the beer thats pushing me away?

theres this tug towards obedience that i dont understand because i live to love you, yet its so hard to trust you. to serve you and to give you all of me.

i've been living in this "i used to i used to" sort of style type of thinking and living and i need to get out. i need you to get me out. because i cant get myself out i keep getting myself more in and in and in and in.

because theres this peace i know comes with living and trusting in you today.

whats feeding my soul? so many things that you are not. so many things that you run from.
i dont understand you and sometimes i choose not to find you because i dont want to i would rather live with me and i just need understand, my King. i need you to show me you.
focus my heart always, always turning it to you. humble me so i can get past this stage of living in choices that dont honor you.
i need to be saved from myself. when i trust myself with myself, m y soul with myself.. its the scariest.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

always- coming to my rescue

because thats who you are. and i cant understand you and i wont ever. and i cant be perfect. and i will never be. and i dont know everything. i never will. i dont have the answers, you do. untold. i cant prove anything, i can only sit in your presense. try to explain it. oh Lord, inspire me. fill me, fuel me like you used to. like you're known to do. Father, have all of me. take all of me. all decisions, every ounce of me Lord God. i need you to do it because sometimes i dont have the strength for it. i dont want to ever fake anything with you, Lord God. always be true and real. clear and kind. light my path, fill me in peace. joy. trust, faith. passion. emotion. kindness. love, reflection of you Lord God. set my foot straight ahead, my focus, my vision.. all of you, Lord God. i cant explain you, i can only love you. trust you. i cant prove you. i can only feel you. know you. love you.