Tuesday, April 28, 2009

i miss you.

yet i run, i still run Jesus. i still run from you.
i literally run, i miss you.
my prayers are getting more distant, im becoming more familuar and comfortable with feeling this seperation, with choosing ME.
Jesus and its not worth it its not worth it i know its not worth it, save me.
what have i done? i have totally made these decisions and brought my life into this.. well to this mess. my life is such a mess without you, my HEAD is such a mess without you, my HEART is such a mess without you.

God, put people in my life that will encourage me to you, to seek you. i want to seek you, i want to. i just.. dont want to. i just dont want to do it. i miss you but Father i'm scared that i dont miss you enough
because i know, i know if i missed you enough,
i would run right to you, right to you Father.

please, take me.
oh God this prayer is so scary. clean this heart of mine, take it Father dont let me let you go even more.
whatever that looks like, oh God whatever that looks like

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world...

you know it all, you got me in your arms
held tightly, and securely.. with life pulling me down
one breath from you, has the power to roll mountains and calm the sea.
there is nothing
you cant give me.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

i can only say

its your hand that i sometimes forget to look at
when i find myself staring in the mirror rushing without knowledge
of this disaster that i'm slowly creating and forming
instead of your slower beautiful process
of growing and shaping and adoring.

and Father you have me. you have it. all of it.
so dont let me let it go because its so easy and i can blame it on you being quiet and still but Father i want to be more quiet and i want to be still and ready and eager to do your will without the glorious feeling of your touch.
when its overwhelming.
because that joy, that joy is shaken when

and what does it matter about other people? i may have messed up
but Father, teach me. teach me you.
show me you.
and show me trust.
trust in its your plan, not mine.
i know nothing
i know nothing about writing. about these life plays.
you're the finisher.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

never before.

the patience he has shown you
compares to nothing.
i could search the world
find a love
like his.
in my trials and
his power is tougher
in this.
his weakness is greater than my strengths.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


the heart to -- love.
a world IN sincere, con st ant search.
passion asleep. A savior replaced.
a generation changing, BEcoming awake!
the rules we're forgetting, the barriers we're breaking.
a hope to hope more for, a love to love more for...
we'll change this place!
a vision contagious.
UNITY outrageous!
called to love others,
my sisters, my BROTHERS!
the center of life called..
we're shaking things up.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

the fill.

i'm looking for fuel. i've been starving. these late night dinners with myself, with my desires always leave me waking up more confused than ever the morning.

one beer.

is it even the beer thats pushing me away?

theres this tug towards obedience that i dont understand because i live to love you, yet its so hard to trust you. to serve you and to give you all of me.

i've been living in this "i used to i used to" sort of style type of thinking and living and i need to get out. i need you to get me out. because i cant get myself out i keep getting myself more in and in and in and in.

because theres this peace i know comes with living and trusting in you today.

whats feeding my soul? so many things that you are not. so many things that you run from.
i dont understand you and sometimes i choose not to find you because i dont want to i would rather live with me and i just need understand, my King. i need you to show me you.
focus my heart always, always turning it to you. humble me so i can get past this stage of living in choices that dont honor you.
i need to be saved from myself. when i trust myself with myself, m y soul with myself.. its the scariest.